Game boy & Wizard Girl

I have so far avoided speaking of some of the challenges my kids face. Not today. But don't get the wrong idea. Today was a good day in parenthood!

DS has been playing a lot of online games that allow you to keep moving up a notch. Today, we went to see one of our doctors and he was so proud to share his newfound determination to "take his eating to the next level, hamburger." It is his choice, to take on the task of trying such a common food. This will make it easier to imagine a playdate at a friends or vice versa, if he can eat such a common food. For those of us with SPD and other special needs kids, the smell, the texture, the combination of textures and the thought of eating an animal, can keep your child from ever eating meat. We have a plan and I truly think that if I do my bit, he will do his. I also truly believe his body is really driving him as well. He is in the 99.9+ percentile in height for his age. Right now, his clothing size is 10/11 but he is just approaching age 8. Eating hamburgers would make things like a barbeque feasible. It would also mean that he could eat almost anywhere in the world. That is NOT something we can do today on his limited diet. (except for his Ensure which is fairly widely available and peanut butter)

My DD who has been so miserable about the weather and snowpants and layers all winter, showing signs of Sensory issues that never existed before - went to an indoor amusement park with her daycare. She was so worried about it, leading up to the day. In fact, she worries a lot lately. I can't recognize her sometimes, with anxieties I never, ever thought would even cross her mind. She's just not that kid you expect to be fearful or worried, she's just not. But lately, she is. Things change in life, when you least expect them to.

But just as she was determined to get over her fear of the subway on the Christmas break, so we could visit someone downtown on their lunch hour, she was determined to nip her rollercoaster anxiety in the bud, too. And she sure did! She went on every ride they let her! (and no, I wasn't there!)

Sometimes with parenting, you coax and you beg and you plead and you negotiate or try to, until you are blue in the face. But mostly, I try to coach and support and do my darndest to not 'blow a gasket' as we say around here, when DD changes her clothes again or refuses to wear tights with feet or swears she 'doesn't do jeans and my own mommy doesn't understand me!" Because, short of literally dragging your kids through an incident or even the entire day, you will lose as they will continue to buck harder and harder until you back off and give in. I have pretty much let DS stick to his tried and true comfort foods. Most attempts to do otherwise, within our own home, failed. They also usually upset him. Not a nice thing to do, because it just creates more anxiety, more self consciousness etc. Can't get there from here type stuff.

But I do understand - I do. I despised tights. And as a youth, I despised having to wear nylons for weddings or office work or retail work or anywhere else that demanded them. My hand used to feel 'raw' from the paper as I wrote, in the winter, from dry skin and dry paper. It was highly annoying feeling. I still hate wearing things snug around my waist proper.

And you know what else? I lived on peanut butter and jam for a year and a half apparently. I am healthier than most these days! I still eat it at least three times a week! So I understand my son's love affair with it. I also totally wanted to throw up if I was so much in the same room as a smoked turkey sandwich. I just didn't know that all that stuff could add up to being hypersensitive. It wasn't pervasive, but it was there. I developed Renaud's quite young. Now I get it.

Some of us just are highly sensitive people.

In more tribal times, we were expected to watch out for danger. Our extra keen senses, were an attribute that was entirely useful.

The objective now, is to help my kids come to terms with their sensitive bodies, their sensitive natures and learn to negotiate and self regulate and self advocate, so they can be themselves, be comfortable in their environments and share their 6th and 7th senses and intuition, with the rest of the world. Because they really do feel and sense more. I think they/we are extra lucky. It just takes awhile to get to that position. They will get there, I did.

Best Intentions Aside, it's Monday, definitely Monday

Best intentions aside, it's definitely another typical Monday morning. It will be a minimum three coffee day.

Best intentions aside, the kids went to sleep too late, again, last night. It wasn't a pleasant way to start the week off. SPD kid didn't have time to get in gear & was having his morning moments of creating a disturbance to create order in his own mind, thereby throwing DD into hysteria.

Best intentions aside, it was not a pretty ride from the beautiful, innocence of morning sleepyheads to the last minute, panicky trip to school & our 9:05 arrival.
:-(

Despite knowing that my DD will be fine and enjoy her day, her begging to get picked up after JK and not go to daycare, is filling me with guilt. We've been through insecure stages before. We will get through this one. But feeling sad, nonetheless. I am tired, too.

In the meantime, best intentions aside, the place is not neat and organized for a productive start to the day; neither are my thoughts. Time for second coffee and a whirlwhind tour of this apartment and all it's messy glory. This WAHM's desk job will have to wait another hour. Onwards! Here's to more life saving caffeine and bringing order to this ADD mom's environment!

Thankful? You bet! First in a series.

I should write so much more often. I know. Tonight, though once again, midnight looms and I am far from my bed, I feel compelled to share.

I keep few close friends. Sadly, few close friends live anywhere close. Two of my oldest best friends, live in the U.S. One is in California and the other in Indiana. These are the sorts of friends that you truly just pick up where you left off with. It doesn't matter that I have no clue how the past few months have been, in minutes in we are in sync. We are all moms now. Much of our conversations are about the kids.

Yesterday, my Indiana friend was here with her four children. She is a truly SUPER MOM. She had the four in just over three years. The oldest is 18 months older than the next two, identical twins. Then 13 months later, another was born. Now they range from 8 until 11, it's not any easier, just different. She volunteers in all their classrooms, she shuttles them between several sports, several arts classes and tutoring. She helps with their homework and the insane number of doctor appointments they have. All of them have asthma and bad allergies. A cold is never just a cold with any of them and at any given moment, one is usually on antibiotics. She is also insanely good at keeping a clean house, a clean car and spotless kids. Her children are the most polite and well mannered kids I have ever met. They are so well spoken, too.

SO of course, I was SO honoured when she showered me with praise after their visit. She told me I was doing a GREAT JOB with MY kids and that I should be proud. She said they were beautiful and great kids. Her children were complimenting my 4.75 yr old DD on her vocabulary!

I do appreciate the compliments. I do try. I speak to them about larger issues and ideas than maybe I even should. I try to teach them to think - not just absorb. Be proactive and not just reactive. Be kind and treat others as you would want to be treated. Sure I try, I think most of us do. But I am not a teacher, I am not with them for six or eight waking hours of the week days.

I MUST give credit where credit is due. First of all, I was blessed with highly intelligent and intuitive kids, with amazing lateral thinking skills, caring hearts and a natural sense of fairness. (Not that they have that on display for me all the time!) I have a DH who is a fantastic father and teacher, who can play bad cop if really needed but gives them so much cuddle time, warmth and security. I am so extra blessed that my own mom sees my kids, nearly every day. She imbues them with her strength and no nonsense attitude, delivered with love and affection. Her home provides peace for them in more ways than I have time to write here. I am thankful for all of the aforementioned.

But I especially want to thank all the daycare staff, in the two daycares my kids have attended. I want to thank all the camp staff at the various camps my son has attended.

The politeness, the sharing & compromising skills, the playground & social skills, the keeping your voice down skills - even their diction, is better, because of ALL The fabulous support my children get at their daycare and camps. The staff show more patience and more constant energy than I could dream of. I go all weekend, it's true. When the kids are home for two days or more, I am beat -can't lie about that. I have high energy, high maintenance kids who need a lot of stimulation, a lot of exercise and a lot of just about everything.

The daycare staff in general, are just awesome. The coordinators and directors who hire them, are awesome. I love how there is always a good cop and a bad cop in each room. Someone has to play the heavy, just like at home. I am thankful that they do their best to support us when special needs or issues come up. We have seen them accomodate not just our needs, but others as well. They have rallied to improve a situation and better the quality of care even further. I am super thankful that our daycare has such amazing facilities on site! They take my children to swim, on their time. They offer extra programming such as studio dance and art and yoga, on top of the dance and art and exercise they already do with the kids. The Sensory diet is super awesome at our daycare. They also have so many events and bake sales and older kids around for after care and it's one big happy, multicultural deluxe family. We LOVE IT. Thank you.

I am thankful for a few special staff over the years who went the extra mile, to get on OUR side, to advocate and nurture even more than I expected they would. I am thankful for staff my child asked to visit even on the weekend, when their caregiver would mind front desk at the community centre the daycare is housed in.

To all the great daycare staff out there, if nobody else says thank you, hear it from me. YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT to the kids in your care- and their families. You become their family. Do not take that lightly. We, the parents might be scrambling in and out, scattered, tired, distracted and may seem to not notice you at all. We do. We appreciate you, your patience, your creativity, your spunk and your hard work. We are ever thankful!

Quips n Quirks

I've been meaning to write, really. I've decided that even if it's in bullets, dammit, I better start writing down some of the gems uttered round here.

The other day, in the bath, DD and I were chatting and I said something about poo in the tummy..can't recall why. But it was the look on her face that was priceless! "I have poo in my tummy?" The thought was so abhorrent to her! I quickly corrected things, explaining it was actually in her bowels, down below, don't worry. "In my vowels?" the further puzzled one asked!

More to come.. sleep beckons

Ever Thankful, a bit regretful but Entirely Blessed

I have not written in what is forever in the blogging world. Best intentions aside, it seems that day-to-day drama, day-to-day stress, day-to-day duties - just drain me, day-to-day.

I am so incredibly thankful to have such beautiful children. I am blessed to know such intense personalities, wrapped up in the intelligent, sensibile and often very tender packages - ever so exquisite, that are my children.

I am truly blessed.

I wish I had more time and energy to share all the delightful tidbits of our days.

This evening will not be the time for details.

Suffice to say, that though my kids are challenging to parent at times, I am thankful for their presence in my life. I am regretful that I have certaily missed many of their most endearing moments, as I have worked from home through most of their little lives. They have been with babysitters or in daycare or camp for many hours of their weekdays, year round.

But evenings and weekends, we are fairly inseparable and with very few exceptions, I have put them to bed every night, for each night of their little lives. In fact, until about six months ago and from time to time I am up with them both, alternately, several times a night. They crawl in bed with me but sometimes I escape and crawl in their bed! They come find me again!

Every night, 360+ of the 365 nights available, we cuddle and read stories. They play cat and mouse with sleep and with my patience. They share their secrets with me- from the emotional rehash of something upsetting during their day, to their deepest fears.

Eventually, they give in to sleep (admittedly, it's usually with a little help from melantonin, which I am throroughly 100% convinced none of us produces enough of on our own)

And when they are blissful and dreaming, I know, that I am truly blessed.

Day 1 Night 2 without her Suki!

Well, the night of the party, MA passed out sitting up, with her Suki. Technically speaking, she was still 3 until midnight. The next night, she fell asleep in my arms as I read, exhausted and with some Melantonin as well. Today, she had no Suki all day and nary a complaint. She passed out on the 401 heading to Grandma's.. and the distraction of Grandma's house and the waiting cupcakes and fun, was enough to deter any whining.

At bedtime however, I had a harder time. There were a few tears, but the level of exhaustion, the melantonin, oh and the back scratch and foot rub that my Princess demands just about every night, did her in.

She has 5 more nights and she's homefree! We will take the Suki to Scooter Girl, where I have already checked a little doll with purple hair, spotted months ago, is still available. Not only that, but the lady assures me that it's a tradition among customers to present their pacifiers and turn them in for a reward/toy of choice. She laughed that she should have kept them all for display. I suggested a Chain of them hanging might be fun. "A Chain of Pain! Refrain!"

The hardest part for MA is not the obvious, she hasn't used a Soother since 14 months outside the house to sleep, it's the rubbing it on her nose part. She loved having one in her mouth and one to tickle her nose. We've tried other stuff, dolls, chew toys, towels etc. Nothing seems to do the tricks as latex.

For now, she's on a toothbrush, extra gum and lollipops, and yes, perhaps 1.5mg of Melantonin instead of 1mg, for this week, till she's over the hump!

The Princess is Four Today

Coming in just under midnight, four years after my wonderful daughter was born. I have been truly blessed with one heck of a little person. She is so vibrant, so smart, so intelligent and witty, funny and ridiculous, on top of things and yet sometimes, completely discombobulated. She makes sense of some heavy stuff and then gets completely confused about the simplest things.

Turning four has been a tad traumatic it would seem. For weeks she has been tossing at bedtime, Sad and crying that there is not enough food in the world to feed everyone (Post Haiti earthquake). Some nights, she is crying, afraid of death, her own, mine, Daddy's etc. Who will take care of her and her brother?

The night before her party, she bawled at the thought of sharing toys and costumes with her friends. I asked, "Should they just come over, sit down and stare at each other?" "YES! The can only have cake, that's IT!"

I suggested she will be getting a lot of toys and she should share her old ones. Then she bawled, "What will we do with all the toys, there is nowhere to put them!" Admittedly, we have a significant space issue in the shared bedroom with her brother.

Two days before that, on our bike ride to daycare, I suggested getting Cheesies for the party kids. Ixnay on that idea! She freaked out. "My friends aren't going to get me anything. They can have CELERY!" I smiled unbeknownst to her, as I pedalled onwards, her in my child seat to the rear, trying not to laugh out loud. "Well, you might be surprised," I postured, "maybe I should get them just in case?" "No JUST HEALTHY Stuff!"

About 19 kids showed up and a handful of parents stayed, as well as her brother, nearly 7, 2 young cousins, two aunts, and uncle and an older cousin. The party was a blast and she was showered with gifts. She is the child who opened 3 Barbies intently, made them all do the splits and then put them in a bag, shunned. You see, the Barbies all have 'flat' hair and my daughter has very curly, fluffy hair. She has a hair complex, which lurks and waits for a low riding ego to pounce on. So some days, she says, "I don't like myself!" When you ask why? Her response, "Because I hate my hair!"

AND YET, the day of the party, I gave her the option of neatly coiffed ponytails, but she wanted her hair down and curly. So there is hope in them thar' curls!!!

Come to think of it, last Sunday at the YMCA, a mom told me she loved my daughter's curls. DD hadn't quite heard it, so I mouthed to the mom, to tell her, because of her "Shhh, complex" and so she did, and embellished, saying she wished she had curls like that. MA says to her, "Yah, people with straight hair, want curly hair and people with curly hair want straight hair." The lady was impressed and jumped in with, "Yes and people who are fat want to be skinny and skinny people wish they had some meat on them." MA said someting about grass is greener, a philosophy I had apparently properly conveyed. It was a redeeming motherhood moment to hear it back in context! :)

I adore her, even when she admonishes me for breaking a cheese stick in half, as I hastily tried to pull it from the package without properly opening it. She refused to eat the short piece and threw it on the floor. I protested. She threw it in the sink and ran to the fridge, did one herself and uttered this beauty. "You SEE, I AM A GENIUS, and you are a LOSER!" Thankfully, already engaged in a verbal battle, I spit out, trying not to smile, "And YOU can take that cheese stick and go to your room for a TIME OUT!" I assure you, she did not learn such phraseology at home. But you know she is SO ready for JK and the big kids playground with that stuff flying from her mouth.

Ah, and there is one more reason she might be leery of turning 4, she FINALLY has to get rid of her pacifier, aka Soother, aka Suki. So there were many tears earlier today, when she ached for it. This is a kid who like her brother, likes to use one for her mouth and another to tickle her nose. However, she never used it past 14 months at daycare for naps and now it must vanish from home@ Here's the last pic I have of her with it, from early last week.

Well, there is SO much more to write, but alas, it will have to wait. We're two days of a long weekend and I am beat, with another full day to go!